Wednesday, May 22, 2013

He Said, She Said

On one of our regular walks at the local park, I enviously spied the in love couples of all ages snuggled on picnic blankets, eating, reading, or just being together. A pipe dream for a parent of toddlers who won't sit still for more than two minutes. After passing one particularly close older couple, I turned to my husband and said dreamily, "That will be us in twenty years." Serious faced, he replied, "I hope not. That was two women."

My sister recently went out with a group of friends. The girls in the group were already close friends, the guys were more casual acquaintances. After being at a bar for awhile, the guys tried to get the girls to do a shot. The girls preferred to sip their drinks, but the boys persisted, saying, "Don't worry, we got this!" Finally the girls relented, and the boys went to the bar and returned with the shots. Shots went down, and then one of the guys said, in complete seriousness, "That will be $5.50." He proceeded to collect money from each of the girls! After the fact, Liz said, "I guess by 'we got this' they meant they would, literally, get them from the bar."  

My husband is so sweet, always concerned that the women in his life are getting enough to eat. My sister came for a visit, and he commented that she had lost some weight and was getting too thin. That night, he offered to make her a blended cocktail. He brought her the drink and she sipped it. A strange look passed over her face. She sipped again. Not wanting to be rude, she said, "Hmm, that's interesting, good, interesting..."  After she worked on the drink for a few minutes, husband asked, "Do you taste the secret ingredient?" Hesitantly she asked, "Did you put butter in this drink?" His grin said it all. "Butter my shake" has become an expression to indicate any gratuitous attempts at fattening!

Since finals were finished, and time was abundant, my sis and some girlfriends decided to hit up a Tuesday  college night at a Pittsburgh bar. The crowd was primarily guys. After waiting for someone to get the dance floor going, the girls decided to start things themselves. Their move broke the ice, and some of the guys started to make their way to the floor, even politely asking the girls if they could dance. The guy nearest my sister leaned in and asked, "Are you white, or are you Spanish? Because you look white, but you dance like you're Spanish..."

Upon asking my daughter H where she got her beautiful blonde hair (neither my husband nor I have blonde hair), she paused for a minute, and then replied confidently, "Uncle Tony!"

Uncle Tony used to have long hair.

Because we can't have a post with no pictures!

Often, to preclude attempts at negotiation, I will tell my kids that we are doing or not doing such and such because Daddy said so. Since I do this when he is away at work, whatever the ruling is, it has to stand. I realized that maybe I am over using this tactic when H said to me, "I don't want to be the wife, I want to be the boss!"


  1. LOL! This is by far your funniest post. SO hilarious! thank you for brightening my day! :)

  2. I love #3 the best, but the "Uncle Tony" reply is pretty great!

  3. Great post, Mary! As i was reading i was beginning to recognize --"that was me!" Proud to be featured three times!

  4. This brings me so much joy. Thank you for sharing.

  5. Ha ha! Hard to pick a favorite here. Enjoyed them all.

  6. Too funny! I enjoy them all, too.

  7. aaahhh ahahha the first one. too funny, mary. :)



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